I have never been one to spend much time on television; I'm more of a movie man. In fact, I spent a number of years with no television whatsoever. I know, I know. Many of you may be thinking "what kind of wing nut are you?" However, if you've never lived without TV, I highly recommend it. There is a certain change that comes over your view of life, time and the destructive power of commercial television as you begin to find new, more productive uses for the endless amounts of time that you didn't previously realize you had. It's really quite liberating.
This is not, however meant to be a dissertation on the evils of the boob-tube (though I promise, I will get to that at some point in the future). Needless to say, I do, in fact own a television and, much to my own dismay, find myself zoning out in front of it quite a bit. My normal fare consists of movies, cartoons (Avatar: the Last Airbender is my current favorite and I must admit a bit of an addiction. I guess I can thank my brother Nick for turning me on to that one), Survivorman and CSI. The original. Only the original. And commercials. I think commercials are one of the most important things to watch on television (Really. And I promise that I'll go into this more at a later date as well).
My wife on the other hand likes true crime, hauntings, anything on Discovery that has anything to do with Egypt or Egyptology, the BBC comedies on New Hampshire PBS on Tuesdays and **gasp** sitcoms. I used to be of the opinion that sitcoms were tripe. They are contrived, cliched, boxed up versions of everyday events that either need more serious attention or no attention at all. Seinfeld comes to mind as an example of the latter. I save a special, accute hatred for that particular program, made even more vile by the fact that it makes me laugh from time to time. But make no mistake about it, Seinfeld is evil. But as I've watched some of the sitcoms my wife likes (most notably Everybody Loves Raymond, My Family on BBC America, King of Queens, Mad About You, and the BBC comedies on NH PBS almost religiously), I've come to see these shows a little differently. As I'm sure you guessed from the title, I've begun to think of these shows as a resource for domestic bliss. It came about when my wife and I were arguing about some stupid thing or another; I really don't remember what it was, but it was probably something small. But the TV was on and when we both just shut up, the couple on the set was having the exact same argument, but scripted better.
Since then, I've watched with much less grumbling and started to actually pay attention. These shows, the better ones anyhow, are written by people that live this every day and address real issues in the home. I've seen everything from quibbles about household responsibility to financial problems, difficulties with teenage children to difficulties with the in-laws and aging to potentially marriage-ending goofs. These are real problems that real couples, both married and not face on a day to day basis. Granted, on TV they're scipted by a team of writers and generally happen in dream houses between stylish, attractive actors playing stylish, attractive people with jobs far more interesting than yours and come to a happy feel-good resolution in half an hour or less, but if you think about it, why do these shows draw such large audiences? It's not the attractive actors or the fantasy of having their house, or children that adore you all the time or the vicarious thrill of doing the fascinating job they have or hobbies they have or go to the restaurants they eat at. Sure, the voyeur element comes in, but these shows would do half as well if they didn't resonate with some element of truth.
I have a theory and if you don't want to read it, you should have gone to another page by now. On the surface, I think that this breed of sitcom serves as a reminder that you, the audience, are not the only couple that has faced this particular problem (pick one and insert here). Obviously, this is not uncommon if there were enough people on the writing team to think this episode up and put it on the air. On a deeper note, I think it serves a carthartic purpose to be able to laugh at the arguments you have and the issues you deal with. As cliche as it is, they say laughter is the best medicine, and though it might not cure cancer, I tend to agree that keeping things in perspective and maintaining the ability to laugh at ones self, surroundings or situation goes a long way in being able to ford the turbulent waters. In being able to laugh at a situation on TV that has resonance in your own lives, you can maybe take a step back, diffuse some of the tension and maybe be able to see things from your partner's perspective a little better.
Taking the issue a little further, I think that, especially for men, sitcoms provide an invaluable tool. We all do dumb things. Why? Because as a species, men are dumb. Period. We know it, they know it, I think Whatsamatta U proved it last year in a study spanning the past five generations so let's move on. I forget what comic said it, but it still as close to universal truth as the people of this planet are likely to get: Women are crazy and men are stupid. How does this apply? Men, pay attention. Sit down, watch TV with your partner (this applies to gay and lesbian couples, too. Believe me, I've know a few and the dynamic is no different, just that each partner plays both roles dependant on the moon or whatever) and pay attention. First pay attention to the show and remember: you are not smarter than the guy on TV. Trust me on this. Oh, you might not be as flagrant, blatant and obvious in the way you screw up, but you will. You'll say the wrong thing at the wrong time or in the wrong way or you'll forget an important date or fall asleep too soon after sex etcetera, etcetera. Accept this, learn from it, remember the lesson for the future (this is the important part) and move on. Second, pay attention to your partner and their reaction. If the show gets a "tsk tsk" or a "ooohhh" out of the answer to "does this dress make me look fat"on TV, gues what? That same answer is going to get you nothing but a night in the garage with the dogs if you pull it out the next time you're at the mall. If the guy on the show gets caught looking down the waitresses shirt or looking at internet porn and it earns you a punch in the shoulder or a "I'd divorce your ass", know what? Yup, chances are your partner's not kidding. If the dishes not getting done on TV gets you a glare, guess what I'd recommend as the best course of action. Just do the damn dishes and save yourself a fight.But realistically, it's not just about avoiding a fight, is it? Cause we all know what comes after a fight right? **wink, wink, nudge, nudge** What it is about is about is having respect for the other person and gaining some insight into what about you drives her (or him) up the wall.
And finally, I think these shows serve one more purpose: they serve as reminder that the fight isn't forever and you can work through it, if you want to. No, it won't be in half an hour. Hell, it might not even be in a day. But when you're in the middle of a crisis, such as it is, it's easy to lose sight of the reality that no problem is insurmountable and given the time, effort, and most importantly, willingness, you can work through pretty much anything. These shows can serve as a shock to the system and break you out of the funk that sets in when you lose sight of the proverbial forest.
Now go turn on the TV and skip the $500/hour marriage counseling session.
Till next time...
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