Idiots

...ever been to Florida? Georgia? Alabama? Any other state that has tropical-type swamps, rivers and ponds and, therefore, alligators and crocodiles and all manner of other horrible, creeping monster? Well, maybe yes and maybe no, but regardless, you should be able to understand how stupid this guy is...not too long ago, I heard a news story involving a golf vacationer in Florida. Now, about halfway through his game, this bozo shanks his shot into the rough, which, in the Sunshine State, equals Mulligan, because really, who the Hell is really going to chase in after a $3.00 ball with all manner of man-killing things lurking about? All common sense aside, the signs posted all over the course stating "STAY THE HELL OUT!" and "HORRIBLE HUNGRY BITEY BASTARDS ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT!" should have been a clue. But NO!...the result of several billion years of human evolution on this planet strolled right past these signs, waded right in, pulled a Happy Gilmore after his ball and....do I really need to spell it out? He came up WITH the ball and WITHOUT his extra hand. The croc that got him apparently tried to pull him under to drown him for later, but the guys' buddies managed to wrest him from the jaws of certain death...and a HUGE favor to the quality of the gene pool in the direct vicinity of this mental bastard.

Now...a rational person might think to oneself "Self? This retard probably shouldn't be allowed to live as he is clearly the genetic equivalent of piss in a newly cleaned pool and should thank his lucky stars that he's alive at all, get down on his knees and pray, throw a few hunnert bucks at his church of choice and get on with his life in a humble and responsible fashion--lesson learned" and that person would, in my humble opinion, be absolutely, 100% correct. However this walking mental turd is invoking the State of Florida's law against animals biting humans and the poor croc who, by the way, was simply acting as nature hardwired him to is slated to be destroyed (I ask you, faithful reader: how would you feel if the Hot Dog Man stuck his finger in the roll and then had you sent to the chair for biting him?). AND! If you can believe THIS shit...he's suing the resort for not doing enough to protect him from the local wildlife!

...if we lived in a fair and just world, the fair people of Florida would be within their rights, as far as I'm concerned, to form a massive fucking posse, hunt this prick down, cover him in human-flavored jelly and throw his sorry ass back into the swamp for the croc to finish the job. And pin a giant fucking medal on that croc when he's done, for doing all the rest of us a giant fucking favor!